humor

When Humor Eases the Alzheimer’s Journey

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When our children are little, we keep a journal of their cute sayings, their trials with language and their funny mistakes. We laugh and share these moments with grandparents and any friends who will listen.smiley faces

When our parents become children because of plaque-laden Alzheimer’s, we still laugh at their funny stories. These moments aren’t as cute at age 80+, but laughter provides the necessary impetus to make it through another care-giving day.

So when I share the funny things Mom has done, I’m not mocking her or making fun of her. I hope to encourage other caregivers, to share a common bond and to keep humor as one of our coping mechanisms.

Last week, Mom lost her bobby pins. Although she is scheduled for the salon each week, she still fixes her hair every night with tiny curls held in place with bobby pins.

But now, her bobby pins are gone and Mom is convinced they were stolen. “People come into my room at night. And while I’m sleeping, they steal my bobby pins off my head.”

I don’t know why Mom thinks bobby-pin fairies need her particular bobby pins, but when things mysteriously disappear – she always believes someone has stolen them.

The issue of losing possessions and accusing others of theft appears in the Reverend G books. Follow the story and find out how Reverend G’s son deals with the disappearing / stolen angels. http://amzn.to/1rXlCyh

The bobby pin story kept us laughing for a while, until Mom lost her bridge and the teeth attached to it. In spite of an application of extra cement by the dentist, Mom managed to loosen her bridge, yank it out of her mouth and then lose it.

Again, she was convinced, “Someone stole my teeth.”

My sister asked, “Why would someone steal your teeth? What would they do with them?”

Always ready with an answer, Mom said, “They could take them to the dentist and trade my bridge for their new teeth.”

The visual flashed through my mind of an older woman carrying a plastic sack filled with stolen teeth. She walks into the dentist’s office and asks, “How much will you give me for these? I need dentures and I’m trying to save money.”

It sort of gives a new significance to the tooth fairy.

©2015 RJ Thesman – author of the Reverend G books – http://amzn.to/1rXlCyh

Mom’s Unchanging Smile

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One of her long-time friends visited Mom in the assisted living facility. This was a friend who attended church with us and served with Mom on several committees.

When her friend entered the room, Mom looked up and smiled – as if she remembered the years of service together, the sharing of Mennonite foods and the fellowship in a crowded sanctuary.

The smile remained fixed even as Mom’s eyes registered surprise.old woman

The three of us chatted about the weather. Mom repeated the same phrase several times, “So cold now. The ice…that’s what you have to be careful of.”

The friend and I reminisced about another friend who had recently graduated to heaven. We talked about family and generations of connections, the folks who traveled a distance for the funeral, the nice service, the beautiful music.

Mom’s smile remained in the same upturned pose. She seemed a world away.

The friend asked about Mom’s activities. “Do you like the food here?”

“Oh, yes. Wonderful food. I think I’m getting fat.”

We all laughed. My slender mother has never struggled with her weight. Her only weight gains over the years were the pregnancies of her three children and even then, she gained a mere eight pounds.

Mom’s smile widened. She seemed to enjoy the echoes of our laughter even though she may not have comprehended the humor. It’s odd how a smile conveys a compliant spirit even as memory hides behind walls of dementia-covered plaque.

Then a break in the conversation – one of those lulls where no one knows what to say because every appropriate subject has been covered.

Mom filled in the gaps with the same statement as before. “The ice…you have to be careful of ice.”

The friend reached for her coat and found her gloves tucked into her pockets. She hugged Mom good-bye, then hugged me. Her whisper touched my cheek with the slight smell of peppermint gum. “I’ll pray for your mother, for all of you. Alzheimer’s is a such a terrible disease.”

“Thank you. We appreciate that.”

As she left, Mom’s smile began to fade as her eyes widened. “Who was that?” she asked.

“Your friend from church. You used to be in the same Sunday School class. You met every week and served in the women’s ministry. She was a good friend.”

“I see,” said Mom, but her eyes registered no remembrance.

Then she turned toward the winter-frosted window and smiled.

©2013 RJ Thesman – “The Unraveling of Reverend G” – http://amzn.to/11QATC1

Necks vs. Brains

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A few weeks ago, I read Nora Ephron’s memoir about aging: “I Feel Bad About My Neck.” With her usual wit and masterful use of the English language, Nora wrote honestly about her own aging issues.Nora Ephron

She included essays about the neck and how it quickly turns from smooth, soft skin into something resembling a turkey wattle. Also included were humorous details about how we disguise age with hair dye, moustache bleach and various versions of face lifts and Botox.

I laughed at Nora’s descriptions and agreed with her assumptions that at some point, no one cares how old we are or how well we disguise it.

But I wondered if Nora might have also included some essays about the aging of the brain and how that worry can overwhelm all the physical symptoms of living beyond 50.

Did Nora ever experience the sudden lapse of a long-remembered name when she could picture a childhood friend but could not for the life of her – recall the name?

Did she ever make frequent visits to her file cabinet to look up something she had just looked up five minutes ago?

Did this talented writer and long-time journalist ever forget a word and wonder where her brain catalogued it?

Did she ever fear that words, phrases and sentences might someday become lost within the aging plaque of her brain – thus deleting her writing career?

Maybe writing about brain aging was a little too scary, too painfully honest to include in this book. And maybe Nora remained gratefully alert even to her dying moments, God rest her soul.

But she did indicate a slight worry when she wrote, “Is life too short or is it going to be too long?”

Nora’s book provided a humorous recess between my visits to Mom in assisted living and celebrating the holidays with my Oklahoma family.

But with Alzheimer’s attacking my mother’s brain and dementia pulsing through my father’s genes, the aging I worry about is much scarier than grey hair or wrinkles.

With the dangers of brain atrophy and what that might involve, I will be grateful if the only part of me that ages is my neck.

©2013 RJ Thesman – “The Unraveling of Reverend G” – http://amzn.to/11QATC1

7 Tips for Caregivers Reviewed

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When life unravels into Alzheimer’s or dementia, it’s important for caregivers to carry survival tools. As I speak in various venues throughout the metro and beyond, I share these survival tools.This week, I had the opportunity of sharing these tips with professionals at the Chem Council in Kansas City.

With 43 million caregivers in the U.S., I hope these tips – from the viewpoint of Reverend G – will offer hope and sanity to caregivers who choose to implement them.

Tip # 1      Talk to Me – it’s easy to ignore someone who has Alzheimer’s. Since they can’t always      respond, we sometimes forget they’re even in the room. We need to look at our loved ones, smile, communicate and talk to them

Tip # 2      Don’t Argue with Me – when memory loss or paranoia sets in, it’s easy to get into a debate. But arguing with an Alzheimer’s victim is pointless. Reverend G would remind us to ask questions instead. Questions help our loved ones figure out a solution or completely drop the subject.

Tip # 3      Keep Laughing –laughter helps keep us healthy. Many funny stories are included in “The Unraveling of Reverend G.” I included them on purpose, because we need to somehow find the humor in the situation and keep laughing.

Tip # 4      Remember the Life Story – knowing the life story of the Alzheimer’s patient helps caregivers utilize pet therapy, music and various other ways to connect. One patient used to watch the sun set with his wife, so the caregivers made sure to sit with him each evening and watch the sunset together.

Tip # 5      Take Care of Yourself – 70% of caregivers struggle with clinical depression. 20% will develop a chronic illness and may even die before the Alzheimer’s patient. Stress is a killer. It is vitally important that caregivers take vacations, utilize daycare centers, join support groups or go somewhere and have fun.

Tip # 6      Forgive Me – none of our loved ones planned to get dementia or Alzheimer’s. They hate what the disease does to us, and they never wanted to be a burden to us. Reverend G often tells her son, Jacob, “Please forgive me.”

Tip # 7      Pray – when the 36-hour day blends into the next, pray. When you need extra patience, pray. When you can’t bear watching the symptoms of this horrid disease, pray. Ask God to help your loved one through this disease and to give you the endurance you need. Pray for a cure for Alzheimer’s and medicines to reverse it.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia websites have a plethora of resources, but these seven tips come from the heart of Reverend G and are addressed within the book. In my presentations, I address each of these tips and give personal examples.

Chem Council RJTPerhaps you’d like to hear me speak about the “7 Tips for Caregivers.” If so, let me know at rjthesman@yahoo.com.

In the meantime, keep praying.

©2013 RJ Thesman – “The Unraveling of Reverend G” http://amzn.to/11QATC1

Tip # 3 for Caregivers

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Keep Laughing.

We all know the importance of humor and how it helps us stay healthy. Even though dementia and Alzheimer’s represent horrid struggles of memory loss and personality change, we can still look for the humor and keep laughing.

My family lives on an Oklahoma farm where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plains and the wavin’ wheat…well, you get the picture.

Every year, my brother fattens up a steer so that we can butcher it for the fresh meat. Then we all share the tasty, lean, without-chemicals-or-hormones beef. We have learned to keep the steer nameless and try not to pet him or bond with him. It’s difficult to chew on something when you have a personal relationship to it.

Last year after we butchered, Mom called me and said, “I can’t eat all this meat. Come and get some.”

Gratefully, I drove to the farm, loaded up my cooler and brought that wonderful fresh beef back to Kansas.

About a month later, Mom called again. This time she said, “You know, I’m going to have to put a lock on my freezer. Someone stole half my meat.”

We just have to keep laughing.