Throughout my search for a church, I have gleaned important lessons. Because life-long learning is one of my core values, it gives me joy to learn something new or to confirm principles I’ve known for decades.
So what have I learned?
The Community of Believers Thrives
Throughout this year, I have met so many wonderful believers. Pastors have rearranged their schedules to talk with me. Gracious and vulnerable, they let me pray for them and asked how they could serve me. I have been humbled, awed and thankful for these men and women who love the same Lord I love.
Within these communities, I have snacked on a variety of goodies, experienced a women’s Christmas tea and tried numerous versions of the same coffee brand. Eleos seems to be the favorite. However, I believe my choice of a church is solid even if they have no snacks and no coffee bar.
The variety of music has provided a soothing balm for my pilgrim soul. Although I love the old hymns and enjoy a rousing classical version of the “Hallelujah Chorus” – I have found so many wonderful worship teams, praising God with joy. Do they know how important they are, lifting the spirits of saints who need the comfort of lyrics and chord progressions?
We Share Common Struggles
Churches are living organisms, peopled by fallible human beings. The world we live in makes it easy to ignore God and focus on ourselves. Yet so many believers are trying mightily to be the persons God created them to be.
And in every church where I have talked with the leaders, they’re not quite sure what to do with me. My particular demographic is a puzzle. Most churches aren’t set up to serve single moms or know how to deal with the growing numbers of divorced people and their children. This is one reason why 67 percent of single moms leave the church and never return.
But I am encouraged that leaders are willing to at least open the conversation. They’re hoping to try new programs, discuss new resources and consider how to be vulnerable even within traditional guidelines.
Sunday is the loneliest day of the week, and in my visits I have seen many women who worship alone – sitting by themselves, their heads bowed even as I peek at their solitude. I imagine they pray the same words I pray, “Will someone, anyone, Lord, talk to me or come and sit with me or invite me to lunch or even acknowledge I am here?” Can we do better? I believe so.
Church is Important to Me
Although I took a sabbatical from church to soothe some of the hurts, I always knew I would return. I just didn’t know where. It is important to belong within a body of believers, to find how my little digit somehow fits into the kingdom work of a particular group where my gifts are respected and utilized.
In searching for church, I have been encouraged by my own faith and by the principles my soul believes so strongly that I will hunt for them week by week. I stepped forward, fell back and began again.
Because belonging to a church body is part of who I am. Because church sanctifies my core beliefs and helps me grow. Because the people in my church become family. Because I am a believer, and church is what we do.
God Cares About Where I Go
Throughout this journey, I have prayed every Saturday night, “Show me, please, Abba Father. Make it clear. I want to be where you lead me.”
And God came through. When I visited the church where Jesus was absent, the Spirit in me cried out in melancholy loss. When I attended a church with my son and his girlfriend, God told me it would be only “for a while.” The following would result in leaving.
And when I came to a crossroads which almost exhausted my list of possibilities, it was within that scary moment the divine whisper directed me to the final answer.
As God so often does with me, he confirmed it in a unique way – this time in a dream. I was at an amusement park, already buckled into the metal car of the roller coaster. Just as it was about to begin its cranking ascent, the divine voice urged, “Get off the roller coaster.” So I unbuckled and left the amusement park.
When I woke up and journaled through the dream, I saw the confirmation. My search had led me to highs and lows, to spiritual discovery through the valley of grief, to stops and starts. The roller coaster search needed to come to an end, and I had to make the decision to unbuckle and walk confidently in a new direction.
So I learned a great deal, and I am grateful for the learning which involved more than a year of prayer, visits, leavings and yearnings.
I am finally off the roller coaster, stepping carefully because belonging precipitates the possibility of another hurt and my heart does not want to risk it. But for now, I have found a home and I believe God is smiling as together, we walk through the door.
©2016 RJ Thesman ̶ Author of the Reverend G books http://amzn.to/1rXlCyh
Rebecca, Thank you again for your insights and being transparent with your journey. We are also on a journey of finding a church home after being in the UK for 17 years. I never imagined myself being a shopper of churches and generally dismissed the idea (oh how foolish our pride can be at times). So far we’ve attended one church on a regular basis but I feel as if I’m going to an “event” not church. We’ve tried several more traditional churches and found the music to be sorely painful to listen to (although the aging community warm and receptive). There’s a tendency to beat yourself up, that surely it’s my fault I don’t feel at home anywhere (we’ve been here a year and I still don’t sense community—I’ve spoken to so many who have lived in a place for 5 years or more and still don’t feel like they fit in). How has it come to this in America? Or is this a universal problem?
So my first novel was released and I’m discovering a whole new side of writing—I prefer the actually writing process 🙂 If you could pray for me in this journey I would appreciate it. I find it very difficult to promote myself and try to push this book (or any other) into people’s hands. How have you dealt with this?
Thank you again for your honesty. I always enjoy reading your blogs!
blessings on your day bea PS My daughter is a single woman and going to church for her is very painful and a lonely experience. She has a deep love for Christ, desires to be married and have a family so being at church reminds her of all she desires and it accentuates the pain. So not going to church is a better option in her mind. 🙁 >
Thanks, Bea, and I do hope you will find a sense of community in a fellowship soon – as well as your daughter.. Promotion is hard for most writers, b/c we are creative souls rather than business people. But you can learn to do it. Maybe we need a coaching session so I can give you some ideas.
Glad you’ve found a place to land.
Thank you! It is a great relief !
Rebecca – your steadfast seeking and faith are an inspiration
Thank you, Evie! What a sweet thing to say!