When Doubt Swallows Faith

A recent Bible study in my lifegroup discussed the issue of doubt versus faith. I decided not to bother with the homework. After all, faith is one of my core values and also one of my spiritual gifts. I really have no problems with doubt.

Then I attended a networking meeting where a financial planner spoke. She provided sobering facts about the economy and our need to be prepared. One of the most chilling stats she quoted was that 70% of Baby Boomers will live in poverty during their retirement years.

As I listened to this bad news, I felt doubt and discouragement creep into my soul. Yes, I’ve tried to be careful and save money. I have my eggs in several financial baskets. Unfortunately, I only have three eggs and they’re about the size of those jelly beans we eat at Easter.

So doubt crept in, replacing all my confident faith thoughts. What will I do if I face a major illness and can’t work? My plan is based on continuing to write and coach and work in ministry until God says, “You’re done. Come home.”

God has always provided for me. He often whispers, “I will take care of you.”

But do I really believe that? Where is my faith?

Every time I visit my mother in assisted living, I remind her how lucky she is. A woman who planned and saved throughout her lifetime, she also bought long-term care insurance when it was affordable. She now lives in a beautiful facility and all her needs are met. She never has to worry about bills again.

I look around her beautiful room with all her comforts and I envy – yes, envy her.

Even with the Alzheimer’s journey she is on, I envy my mother’s cozy existence and wish I could hope for the same.

But where is my faith? Yes, it is important to plan and save and hope for the best. But ultimately, none of us knows what life will hand us nor how long we will live.

Will life be short enough to utilize our careful plans or will it prove to be too long, leaving us in poverty when we cannot work our way out of it?

All I can do is be grateful that Mom is comfortable while I keep working and doing what God tells me to do – keep believing that God will indeed take care of me.

In the end, that’s the best long-term insurance available.