One of the best tools to build relationships is the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. When we know our love language and the love languages of our friends and family, we can feed care into each others’ souls. But we can also learn how to use our voice to share our own need. Our particular love language.
Recently, I discussed love languages with my son and reminded him about our primary love languages. “Yours is ‘quality of time.’ When other people you trust spend time with you, it makes you feel loved. Cared about.”
“Ah, Mom.”
“Conversely, my primary love language is ‘acts of service,’ I feel most loved when someone does something special for me, especially something I need. Such as when you mow my lawn.”
No reply. Just a sheepish, pleased look on his face.
“So make sure that you know your wife’s love language and that you each discuss how important it is to you.”
After months of treatment for a painful sciatica situation, my love tank was pointing to empty. So I decided to use my voice and tell my son exactly what I needed. If we do not use our voices, we become invisible. Our needs are not heard or addressed. Then we can begin our personal pity party, all because we have not spoken our truth.
“Son, my love tank is empty.”
“Huh?”
“You know, acts of service and all that love language discussion we had. I need my love tank filled.”
“What does that even mean, Mom?”
“It means…after being in pain for so long, I need some comfort food. I think my body needs some iron, which means protein. That means I need a really good hamburger – not the cheap drive-through kind of burger. My body needs a buffalo burger with parmesan garlic sauce and potato wedges on the side. Lots of wedges.”
“So…you need me to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and get you a burger?”
“Now you’re catching on. Don’t forget the extra wedges.”
An hour later, completely satisfied after a whopping burger and salty wedges, my son vacuumed the living room. Did you know that vacuuming is one of the hardest home jobs on the back? It can send us into spasms within minutes. So until my back is stable again, I need help vacuuming. My son answered that plea.
Good food affects our moods. So does the answer from our love language. That day of service from my son helped me move toward healing. Hope returned.
But to make that leap, I needed to use my voice.
If I had continued to fill the house with my pitiful moaning, slurping leftover chicken soup and begging God to take me to heaven – nothing would have improved. My iron content would have plummeted and my love tank remained empty.
But because I spoke my need and used my voice, my son had the opportunity to do a kind deed. He met the need, and we had a great time connecting. A giant hug was the ending to a special day.
Isn’t life easier when we know what people need and when we’re not timid about expressing our own needs? Yet we often sulk in our self-sufficiency, thus depriving ourselves and others of finding the resolution to our problems. When we speak our truth with authenticity – we all benefit.
Let’s be more intentional about using our voices and speaking our truth. Then we can help each other move toward more compassion, kindness, and hope by addressing our love languages.
©2025 RJ Thesman – All Rights Reserved
Image Attribution: johnhain / Pixabay
Discover how Abigail learned to use her voice in No Visible Scars.
Caring Assertiveness. Say it. Do it. Assert it. Genuine love expressed in a straightforward and intentional manner. With authentic empathy, not an artificial expression of transparent kindness.
Truth!