Finding Hope in the Dark

It was a subtle change, yet I felt its impact as if a door slammed shut in my heart.Christmas-Cross

During the Thanksgiving weekend, I visited Mom. Each of the three days when I knocked and entered her room, Mom sat in her chair – in the dark.

Alone – with a book on her lap, pretending to read.

Just a few months ago, I often found her at a table with other residents, playing cards – laughing together, competing and exercising their brain cells.

Not this time.

Others still played in the dining hall. I saw them shuffling cards and tossing them at each other, then laughing together, enjoying the camaraderie of the game.

But they played without my mother, and I wondered why.

Then I realized the reason she sat alone, without friends, sans an activity she once enjoyed.

She doesn’t play cards anymore because she can’t. The comprehension required for something as simple as Rook or Uno no longer exists.

So my mother sits in the dark, lost within herself.

After our visit, I began to drive away, then pulled over, beating the steering wheel and crying out to the God who allowed this dark aloneness in my mother’s life.

But then I remembered the book Mom held on her lap, the words she read over and over, even without comprehending.

Her Bible.

Even though Alzheimer’s deletes entertaining card games and clouds the comprehension needed for winning – Mom still knows where to find hope.

She is never truly alone because Emanuel lives within her, loving her through this journey and offering his light to illumine her darkness.

©2015 RJ Thesman – Author of the Reverend G books

0 thoughts on “Finding Hope in the Dark”

  1. I’m sorry for this recent loss. Alzheimer’s seems to slowly hijack abilities. I remember one time when my mom was very ill and non responsive. When she began to get better I told her I thought we had lost her. She responded, “I thought I was lost too.” I asked her where she went and her reply infused me with hope, “I was in the arms of the Lord.”

  2. Thy Word I have hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee – A verse in the Psalms of David. So many times, when I was working with Alzheimer residents, they would remember scripture from their childhood. Just simple verses, and it would calm the soul. I have seen what you described with your mother, so many times and it tears at your heart. Only God knows why He allows such a thing to happen. I will be praying for you…cherish the mother you knew, love the one you have now and just be there for her.

  3. This brought tears to my eyes. My friend, you are not alone…and your mother is being comforted by Jesus. As I read these words, I reflected back to my severe depression. It was a similar setting, in that I would sit alone, desperate and isolated. Often times I would hold my Bible in my hands without ever even opening it. Emmanuel is with us. God is always with us. I pray comfort and peace upon you and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey.
    Layla Freeman

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