Ten minutes into my home Bible study, Judith gasped.
I stopped reading Romans 12 and asked, “Any questions or concerns?”
To her credit, Judith must have decided not to confront me in front of the entire group. “No,” she said. “Nothing right now.”
After I finished teaching, Judith hung back so I said goodnight to the rest of the group and sat down with Judith.
“What’s the problem?” I asked. “You seemed concerned about something.”
“I’m just wondering,” she said, “I don’t understand…but…you’re teaching this Bible study and you’re wearing a toe ring.”
I peeked down at my right foot where the second toe did indeed sport a silver toe ring. “Yep,” I said. “I really like my toe ring. I bought it at that eclectic boutique downtown.”
“But a toe ring…isn’t that…sinful? My church says women should only wear wedding rings and nothing else. Our beauty is supposed to come from a pure heart – not from a bunch of jewelry – an outward show…especially something as liberal as a toe ring. It’s almost like something hippies wear.”
I knew Judith attended a church where Legalism 101 was the consistent textbook, but I didn’t realize how deeply spiritual abuse had affected her life.
She shared with me how afraid she was that someone would discover she colored her hair. Her entire spiritual focus was based on how “good” she had to be and how many rules she had to obey.
I reminded her of Jeremiah 31:3. “God says he loves us with an everlasting love. He doesn’t mention any rules we have to obey to earn his love. It’s just there, available for us because of who he is.
“God loves you, Judith, no matter what you do and no matter what you wear. He wants you to love him back – not live in fear that you might make a terrible mistake someday and ruin everything. His love for you is eternal – forever and ever.”
Over the next few weeks, I helped Judith find Bible verses about the love of God. The Bible became more of a romance anthology rather than a judgmental tome. We looked at the life of Mary Magdalene, a leading disciple of Jesus. Nowhere did scripture condemn her or even mention anything she wore.
Even though she had been a prostitute, Mary was the one who first saw the living Christ after his resurrection. She was given the task of telling the rest of the disciples that Jesus was alive. And she didn’t have to dress a certain way to spread the good news.
Throughout the next months, Judith and I met often to talk about God’s love. She began to smile more freely and even giggled a few times. The burden of carrying all that legalism in her heart lifted, and she shared her freedom with the other ladies in the group.
Then one night, she came to Bible study with a radiant grin. “Guess what I did,” she said.
She held out her right foot, and I started laughing. Shining on the middle digit was a gold toe ring. We danced together in a happy hug.
Two years later, I received the news that Judith’s son had committed suicide. When I called her, she was, of course, heartbroken. But in between sobs she said, “I still believe God loves me and somehow – he’ll help me make it through this grief.”
I was so grateful Judith had made it past the obstacles of spiritual abuse via legalism. Without her new freedom, she would have blamed herself for her son’s death and lived with the lie that God had punished her for something she had done wrong.
Judith and her husband moved away, but we occasionally called or wrote letters. When I saw her again – years later – she wore the prominent wrinkles of a woman who has been through the worst grief yet the glow of freedom was still obvious. She had survived to find acceptance and joy on the other side of the pain.
“I’m okay,” she said, as I stroked her cheek. “It’s been hard, but I’m okay.”
Then she lifted her leg so I could see her foot. The gold toe ring still shone from the middle digit, a visual reminder that hope conquers even the most stubborn of lies.
©2016 RJ Thesman – Author of the Reverend G books http://amzn.to/1rXlCyh
Thank you. This account is pure gold. What a picture of his liberating, sustaining love.
So true, Jerry. True freedom – only in Christ.
Also a survivor. I was chastised for wearing earrings as was my mother. It is wonderful to deeply believe God’s grace is sufficient. He loves me deeply and whatever I choose to wear or however I choose to worship. Remember our dancing with scarves?
I remember vividly that night – all of you beautiful women, dancing through my house with colorful scarves. A lovely memory. I’m so glad you are free in Christ.
It is so wonderful to know that God created us as unique individuals with the personality he gave us. He guides us to use all of ourselves and I think He loves to see us show the world His creation in us.
Soooo grateful for our Savior’s libertation!
Amen and amen !
It breaks my heart to think how many rules and judgments have fostered guilt and hindered my self expression, wasted my creativity and energy. God wants so much for us to be who he created us to be without all the superficial gunk and time wasted trying to conform to some rules (not His) and march to someone else’s tune like a non-thinking little soldier. Yikes I hope this wasn’t too much of a sermon
– guess it pushed a button for me.
I understand, Evie. I’m still fighting against those old legalistic tapes that try to steal my joy. Let’s pray for each other – to live in our freedom and glorify God.
This has caused me to consider how some of our churches became legalistic. I know my parents were very concerned about not only being hearers of the word but doers of the word. They wanted to be holy. Somehow, or another it became easier to judge themselves and others by works because God”s grace isn’t obvious.
Another stumbling block was the importance of being a good example of Christianity to a sinful world so every action needed to be above reproach. So much began with good intentions.
I think I need tio extend grace and understanding to my parents and childood church. And at the same time be free in my joy.
Good points, Ginger. It’s true that many of our principles started out with good and even holy intentions. But once we get out of balance – that’s when the problems come. Moderation in all things.
Whenever man dictates rules and laws rather than follow what God says, there are problems. Great post! I lost my toe ring many years ago and never replaced it…I miss it! 😉
Thanks, Deborah. Maybe you can put “toe ring” on your Christmas list this year !